Part 2 Writing letters to the donor family.
Written by Janine Magree
SINCE organ donation is so rare in this country, it didn’t take long for a few people to contact me on social media, telling me their friends had received my son’s organs.
Somebody told me that Martin, a friend from their church, who helped run a children’s home in Pretoria with his wife, had received my son’s heart.
Hearing that made my heart soar because my boy was brilliant with children. He would jump on the trampoline with them, draw pictures for them, dress up in ridiculous outfits, dance and joke around. He had no “skaam” and of course, they loved him for it.
Television researcher, Theresa Du Preez, contacted us in 2019 to ask if we’d be willing to meet the heart recipient, so we travelled to Johannesburg and were fêted at the Foxwood Studios by director, Jan Groenewald, who facilitated the meeting between Martin and ourselves.
The gratitude of this man and his wife was humbling. He told us he had prayed he would be spared to see his son marry, (which he did in February last year.)
Admittedly, the wedding photos we received brought us to tears, not only because we won’t experience that for ourselves, but because our blondie’s heart was the answer to this family’s prayers.
Although a rather retiring man, Martin and my husband hit it off and enjoyed watching a game of rugby together.
It was a therapeutic meeting in that this was a man who had felt guilty that he had survived because of another family’s loss. On the other hand, we felt our son would have approved of his heart recipient.
For Martin, I think the meeting reassured him that we did not resent him having our son’s heart and it gave us a positive way of remembering our child.
I was especially glad to hear that the programme we’d appeared in was shown at his church, and so no doubt a few people were swayed to register as organ donors.
Marlene, from Windhoek contacted me in 2018 to ask whether I would be willing to hear from our son’s liver recipient.
I jumped at the opportunity and immediately told her I would be delighted to hear from them.
I later received the most sensitively-written e-mail from a dear Christian man with a wife, two beautiful, and obviously accomplished daughters, as well as a business that does a fair bit of work for the community in line with its corporate social responsibility policies.
He told me how he’d been at death’s door when a doctor rushed in to his room, announcing that a donor had been found, and that he’d told him the donor was a young boy from his own alma mater in Durban.
I was upset to hear that the original letter he had sent us, along with flowers to say thank you, had gone astray. But that e-mail contact, so thoughtfully undertaken via an intermediary, meant the world to me and was a huge step in the ongoing healing process.
The recipient, Adriaan has cycled in an event called the Desert Dash and in November, he completed his second one in honour of Bryn, which is fantastic because not only do I know that he thinks of his donor, but I also know that Bryn’s name is not being forgotten, as he has used the race to raise awareness for the organ donor cause.
We have not yet met, but it is a possibility we haven’t ruled out.
The letters I received from two Zulu-speaking men were simple, heartfelt, and thanked God for a decision which has so improved their lives. These letters touched me because it cannot be easy for a person who barely speaks English, to express to Westerners their gratitude for undertaking to do something for them which many Africans feel is taboo. (African spiritual practices generally call on followers to be buried whole, so organ donation is a pretty bizarre concept for most.)
I showed them to our domestic staff who had tears in their eyes on reading them.
Goodness and Sandile both knew and loved our boy and Goodness especially, regarded him as family. She tells me stories of how she dreams of him and has mentioned in passing that it is odd for her community that she grieves so deeply for our son.
In light of her mourning, I realise how she especially, has appreciated the sentiments of these men.
